Life's Trials
I have debated about posting about this or not, but this is my form of journaling so I figured I would, and I feel like I need to vent! It is in no way a pitty party for me.
I have been very blessed in my life with little adversity or trials. I have often looked at friends my age who have been through so much more than I have at this point in our lives and thought how I knew my time must come to face some trials. Last April Brennen and I decided that we would start trying to get pregnant. In August I got pregnant and we were really excited about the thought of becoming parents. A couple weeks later at 6 1/2 weeks I miscarried. It was sad and hard but we got through it.
Two days before Christmas I found out again that I was pregnant, and was so excited to give Brennen an early Christmas gift. This time I was even more excited than the first. The first time it didn't really seem real, and after miscarrying I really wanted to have a baby. We went to the doctor at what I thought was 9 weeks, but the baby was measuring at 6 weeks but there was a beating heart! I was really nervous going to the appointment but after seeing the heart beat, and hearing the doctor say once there is an established heart beat the chances of miscarriage are 2%, I felt a lot of relief. Well for some reason I fell into the 2% category. On Friday night I was cramping really bad and went into the doctor on Saturday to find out that I had miscarried again.
These two experiences have been the hardest thing I have gone through, but I am thankful for a wonderful husband, family, and friends who have been there and offered their love and support. I have heard people say how you shouldn't really be sad because you didn't really have an attachment to the baby, but after being pregnant and going through a miscarriage, I feel like you automatically become connected to the thought of having that baby.I am glad that I have a knowledge of a Heavenly Father who loves me and has a plan for me. Right now it is kind of hard to accept his plan but I know that in the end it will all work out.
Baby # 2
29 comments:
Im so sorry Cass. I know how hard it is and I also know that your time will come to be a mama!! Keep the positive attitude and you will get through this.
You guys are in my thoughts. Hope you feel better soon!
i cannot imagine going through that. i'm so sorry for your loss. it would be a great loss at any stage of pregnancy. hope you are doing okay!
Cass...Having experienced the loss of a baby with Layne at about 3 months, I can understand the myriad of emotions that you're going through - the excitement of a little addition along with the "loss". Perhaps the things in life that are hoped and waited for are, in the end, those events that we truly cherish while others may take for granted...whatever the reasons...may you find peace within the arms of your Father in Heaven who will "reward you openly" in the future for the trials you face now. Love You...
I'm so sorry you have had to experience this! It is such a hard thing to go through just once, I can't imagine having to go through it twice in a row. You will be in my prayers and I know that you and Brennan will make WONDERFUL parents one day.
Oh Cassie, I had no idea. I am so sorry that you have gone through this twice now. You are so strong and such a wonderful person, I really look up to how responsible and accomplished you are and all your great goals. We do have our own trials to get through and with you being such a positive person, I know you can get through this. Things will work out the way they are supposed to, even if it takes longer than you hoped. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Cass...You are such an amazing person!! I can't believe how strong you have been through all of this. The people who say you aren't really connected must not have ever been pregnant. I believe you feel connected the minute you find out you are pregnant. I can't imagine going through what you have gone through. We do all have our trials and all handle them differently. You have done so well!! We will keep you in our prayers.
Cassie, I'm so sorry. It's one of the hardest things that we women have to deal with. Some of us at least. My heart aches with you. I've had two miscarriages at around that same point. Never got pregnant again. Thank goodness for adoption. Keep trying and don't give up hope. Hope is good medicine. I'm sending you love and hugs from Austin!
I'm so sorry for you to have to go through this. I totally feel you, my friend. I've had my fair share of miscarriages. Makes me way grateful for the little man I do have.
I have a blog that you need to read. I'm going to get the link.
Oh and I totally agree with you and heavenly Father's plan! One day you'll be able to raise those babies!! That brings a smile to my face, at least a little, in such a hard time.
HUGS!!
http://pregnancylossribbons.blogspot.com/
Here you go girlie. When you get a few, go over a read. It's wonderful over there. ReAlly.
let me know what you think.
So sorry Cassie! I haven't miscarried, but it did take me about a year to get pregnant the first time. I know how heartbreaking it can be when it's not happening how you'd imagined & hoped.
I'm so sorry! And I'm sure you're sick of people asking- when are you guys going to have a baby? I will never do that to anyone again, cause how can you know what they're going through? Call me if you need anything, or want to visit lovely Wyoming!:) Hang in there, we all love you!
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Miscarriage can be so hard whether your 4 weeks or 4 months. I had infertility problems for years before I had my firstborn and I had a miscarriage as well. I wasn't that far along, but it was still hard to think that I'd lost a baby.
You've got the right outlook on life and it's great that you have the knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan and that you are so positive. I know we don't know each other that well, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm in the neighborhood. Keep your chin up and I hope things look up soon :)
ive been thinking about you a lot cassie...its hard to find the "good" when things like this happen, and i am still reminding myself everyday to keep smiling and be happy for everyone else in rexburg that is pregnant :) but then i remember that heavenly father is in control of everything. it might be so and so's time to have their 5th kid, but someday it will be my time. having this experience, i can now understand when women go through it, and can relate and talk to them with understanding. that is one thing i can see that is positive. keep smiling and know that brian and i are thinking about you..
Never let anyone tell you that you don't feel an attachment to a baby... especially when you hear a heartbeat. I cried both times and I know it's a special feeling and I am sure you are feeling the loss of that right now. Just know that we are thinking of you. Let me know if you need anything, even if you just need to talk.
Cassie,
I am so sorry. You will have a chance to have children. I know you will and you will be an amaizing mother too. You are so strong and I look up to you for making it past those tough times. Like you said, just trust in the Lord and He will allow things to work out.
Love you,
Camille
oh cass-- i feel ya. you've got some babies waiting for you in heaven now...of course you will feel attached because they are yours! And you'll see them someday soon :)
Cassie, it takes a lot of courage to share something like that and you know what, we can all learn from what you shared!
You never know what's going on in other people's lives because many times it is not shared so thank you for letting us all find another reason to not judge what we don't know is going on.
You are an inspiration to so many and you are strong. I know things will work out for you and Brennen. I was thinking about you today and I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog post because it is really incredible what people go through! I'm just sorry you have to go through it :(.
I know what you are going through is NOT easy and I am so sorry to hear your news! Just trust that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing and He is looking out for you! I love you so much and please call if you need to talk! And HAVE FUN trying to get pregnant! That's the best part!
This is not in any way an easy trial..just know that you're time will come to be a mother..Heavenly Father is very aware of you and he is there..you are surely in our thoughts...
I'm praying for you. I can only imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry!
You're in our thoughts and prayers Cassie! We love you!
I had no idea, I am so sorry! I remember it didn't seem real until the 1st appointment and seeing and hearing the heart beat. You will always be connected to those little angels no matter what. Let me know if you need anything. Keep up the good work too, I can't wait to see the cute kids you and Brennen will make! :)
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle! I think this is the hardest thing a woman has to deal with.
I don't know if you knew this about us, but we were on fertility drugs for a little over a year with our first, trying to conceive. For us though, I just wasn't getting pregnant at all, so I didn't even know if it was possible. It was pure torture every month when it didn't happen! Eventually, on the last try, some fertility drugs worked for us. It's probably not a comfort to you at a time like this, but at least you know you're capable of getting pregnant. I know we don't know each other that well, but I'm really open about our experience, so let me know if you ever want to talk about it. I hope this doesn't happen to you guys again!
Hey Cass, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you get feelin better and everything will work out for you. Are the doctors going to do anything for you? Good luck!
I'm sorry, Cassie. (Not much else I can say.)
Hi. I just came across your blog by ordering from your adorable website! Just a note that might help. I have a friend that was going through a similar situation. She had no problem getting pregnant, but trouble with carrying. I don't remember exactly, but I think she had a low progesterine count. After several miscarriages, her doctor began giving her weekly shots to keep the count up and it was successful. Maybe something to ask your doctor about. Hope it helps and good luck!
I can only imagine what you're going through and your in my thoughts. Try and keep the faith and I send you lots of {{hugs}}!
I'm truly sorry that you've had to go through this. I had two miscarriages and no matter what anyone says it doesn't make it any better. But you are in my prayers and God will make everything workout. I was just wondering if your doctor checked your hormone balance. It isn't any of my business but that was my sisters problem the Doctor gave her inserts to correct her imbalance and she was pregnant a month later. If you ever need anything please let me know I'm truly sorry!
Hey Cass, just stopping by to do a little checking in and catching up with you. I loved this post because it's so honest and real, but I'm so sorry that you have had to go through these difficulties getting and staying pregnant. It can be the hardest thing to go through when you really want a child. I haven't ever had a miscarriage but you know it took me a really long time to get pregnant with Barrett (totally unexpected since Gracie was so easy!) and it was painful and difficult to know that Heavenly Father's plan was different than mine. Have they done any testing to figure out what causes you to lose the pregnancy? And by the way, I think that attachment to a baby is VERY natural from the moment you know you're expecting. It hurts to lose no matter how far along you are. I hope it works out for you and Bren soon. You will be fun parents! Just know I'm thinking about you and wishing you the best. And perhaps it doesn't matter to you at this point because you just want a baby, but you will be surprised how much compassion for others these experiences will bring into your life. It is a great "reward" of times like these.
Looks like Madison Envy is picking up steam with all of your networking and stuff! That's awesome!
Leslie
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